Maintaining a Relationship with a Child After a Move from Oregon By the Custodial Parent

Based on materials presented by custody evaluator Lori Bonnevier, M.S.W., L.C.S.W. (used with permission).

Practical Suggestions

1. Schedule time for the non-relocating parent to visit child in the new community, see the home, meet some of child’s new friends and visit his school.
2. Regular telephone and web-cam “visits” throughout the week.
3. Small gifts sent on a consistent basis including themes of mutual interests (e.g. movie tickets, ice-cream store vouchers, books you can read at the same time, etc.)
4. Exchange of mutual letters, cards, pictures, etc. The non-moving parent should always receive a copy of the child’s report card.
5. The non-moving parent should maintain a relationship and active communication with the child’s teacher, coaches, religious leader, counselor, physician, etc. Many schools have access to teachers and school progress online or via email.
6. Frequent e-mail and texting for teenagers.
7. Open a tasteful MySpace and/or Facebook account and request your child to add you as a friend. You can then monitor your child’s page and exchange updates on each other’s lives. However, be sure to not post anything online (or put anything else in writing for that matter) that you wouldn't mind seeing on the front page of a newspaper or as Exhibit 1 at trial. Be tasteful.
8. Help with homework over the telephone or computer (e.g., spelling tests and math problems). Non-moving parent can send items needed for a project or supply list.
9. Agree on a favorite TV show and both watch it so you can discuss it later.
10. For young children, have the non-relocating parent audio record several bedtime stories for the children to hear at night before sleep. Sing a song. Email WAV files for the child’s iPod.
11. Make a “Build a Bear” with a voice chip for young children to keep as a snuggly at nighttime. They can hear the non-moving parent’s voice anytime they wish.
12. Always have a riddle or joke. Memories are created through our emotions. Children will forget the jokes but remember all the laughs. This also helps create a tradition or routine before you say "good-bye," "goodnight," or "see you soon."

Books on Long-Distance Parent-Child Relationships

1. Ways to Be a Long-Distance Super-Dad---or Mom Too! By George Newman
2. Live-Away Dads: Staying a Part of Your Children’s Lives When They Aren’t a Part of Your Home. By William C. Klatte
3. Dads at a Distance: An Activities Handbook for Strengthening Long Distance Relationships. By Aaron B. Larson, Elizabeth A. Larson, National Institute for Building Long Distance Relationships.

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